Choosing a Donor: Questions to Ask Yourself

Choosing a donor is a deeply personal decision. Whether you are starting a family on your own, with a partner, or as part of a non-traditional family, finding the right donor involves more than matching physical traits. It is about values, health, identity, and emotional readiness.

This guide offers key questions to help you reflect on what matters most to you during the donor selection process.

1. What Type of Donor Relationship Do I Want?

You can choose between:

• Known Donor: Someone you already know, such as a friend or acquaintance.
• Clinic-Recruited Donor: An anonymous or identity-release donor selected through a fertility clinic.

Ask yourself:

• Do I want to know the donor personally?
• Am I comfortable with an unknown or identity-release donor whose details my child can access later?

Each option comes with its own legal, emotional, and relational considerations. It is important to think long-term and how this decision might impact your family in the future.

2. What Values and Background Are Important to Me?

Some people prefer to match with donors based on shared cultural background, religion, lifestyle, or interests. Others may prioritise education, profession, or personality traits.

Consider:

• What values or qualities matter most to me or my partner?
• Are there specific backgrounds or characteristics that I want my child to have a connection with?

These questions can help you narrow down what feels right, not just for you, but also for your future family.

3. What Health Information Do I Need?

Donors go through medical screenings, but it is still important to review the details.

Things to consider:

• Does the donor have any known genetic conditions?
• Is there a family history of chronic illness or mental health conditions?
• Am I comfortable with the donor’s health profile?

Make sure you ask your clinic for a full health and genetic report if available.

4. What Role Will the Donor Have, If Any?

This is especially important with known donors.

Questions to ask:

• Will the donor be involved in the child’s life?
• Are there boundaries that need to be clearly discussed and agreed on?
• How will I or we explain the donor’s role to our child in the future?

Having open and honest conversations early on, and putting everything in writing with legal guidance can help prevent misunderstandings later.

5. How Will I Talk to My Child About This?

Research shows that openness with donor-conceived children helps build trust and emotional security. Thinking about this ahead of time can guide your choices.

Ask yourself:

• Am I ready to be open about donor conception with my child?
• How do I feel about the child one day meeting their donor?
• Would I like to choose a donor who is open to future contact?

You do not have to have all the answers now, but reflecting on these questions can shape how you approach your decision.

Choosing a donor is more than just a checklist. It is about creating a foundation of love, honesty, and stability for your future child. Take your time, seek support, and know that your questions and feelings are valid every step of the way.

If you are feeling uncertain, talking with a counsellor or connecting with others who have been through the process can offer insight and reassurance.