Supporting Your Child’s Curiosity About Their Conception Story

Understanding the Importance of Telling the Story

When children begin asking where they came from, it can be a beautiful moment filled with wonder, pride, and sometimes a bit of nervousness for parents. For families created through donor conception, these questions can carry additional emotional weight. How and when should you share the story? What if your child has big feelings or difficult questions?

This blog explores how to support your child’s natural curiosity about their conception story, why openness matters, and how to approach these conversations with honesty, age-appropriate language, and emotional confidence.

Why Telling the Truth Early Matters

Research and family advocacy groups like VARTA encourage early and open conversations about donor conception. Telling children the truth from a young age allows the story of their origins to become a natural part of their identity, rather than a secret or source of confusion later in life.

Studies have shown that children who learn about their donor conception early tend to experience fewer negative emotions and have stronger relationships with their parents. It builds a foundation of trust and prevents feelings of betrayal if they were to find out later from someone else or via DNA testing.

Age-Appropriate Ways to Begin the Conversation

You don’t have to explain everything all at once. Instead, use a layered approach that grows with your child’s understanding.

• Ages 2–5: Use simple language and positive themes. 
  • For example: “We needed a little help to make our family, and a kind person gave us something special so we could have you.” 
• Ages 6–9: Children may begin to ask more complex questions. This is a good time to introduce terms like “donor” and explain that families are made in different ways. 
  • You might say: “Some families have a mum and dad, some have two mums, and some grow with the help of a donor. That’s how we made our family.” 
• Ages 10 and older: Be open to deeper conversations about biology, identity, and feelings. Let your child lead with their questions. You can explain that donors are not parents, but they played a helpful role in your child’s story.

Creating a Safe Space for Feelings and Questions

Your child may feel many things when learning about their conception. Curiosity, pride, confusion, or even sadness are all valid. The key is to listen and stay present without judgment or defensiveness.

• Let your child know it’s okay to ask questions at any time.
• Validate their emotions, even if they surprise you.
• Use books or story tools designed for donor-conceived children to help explain concepts.
  

You do not need to have all the answers. What matters most is creating a secure and loving space where your child feels free to explore who they are.

Talking About the Donor

Parents often ask how much to share about the donor. If you used a de-identified (anonymous) donor, explain that while you may not know them, they specially helped your family. If your donor is open-identity or known, you can offer information gradually.

Depending on your child’s age, you might share:

• How the donor was chosen (values, characteristics, motivations)
• Whether you have photos, letters, or non-identifying details
• That your child can choose to contact the donor when they are older, if permitted 

Reassure your child that no matter who helped make them, they are loved, wanted, and part of a strong family.

Keeping the Conversation Ongoing

This is not a one-time conversation. Children grow, and so does their ability to understand. By revisiting the topic from time to time, you create consistency and openness in your family culture.

You might:

• Bring it up casually during family moments (bedtime, books, school projects).
• Use media representations of different family types as conversation starters.
• Let your child guide when they want to know more.

What If You Haven’t Told Them Yet?

If your child is older and has not been told about their conception, you are not alone. Many parents delay the conversation out of fear, confusion, or uncertainty about how to explain it. The best time to tell is always sooner rather than later.

Seek support from a counsellor or support network like Two Worlds One Family, who can guide you through the process with care. Honesty and love can still build trust, even if the timing is later than ideal.

Telling your child about their donor conception is not just about facts. It is about building a strong foundation of identity, belonging, and emotional safety. You are giving them the gift of truth – wrapped in love.

With openness and support, your child can grow up feeling confident and proud of their story.